Court, One Day You Will…

Another tough day down at the hospital.  Good news first, the dialysis is really doing it’s job and her kidneys are starting to function, so they are going to stop taking the fluids from her because she’s all drained out.  The doctors even say they may stop the dialysis tomorrow to see if she needs it anymore.  The bad news is, Court is dependent of the vent right now.  They have done trials to see if she can handle breathing herself, but she’s still too weak.  Court is getting extremely frustrated and restless.  She wants to leave the hospital and keeps trying to get up out of bed.   She keeps trying to tell me she wants to go home.  The doctor came to me today and said that they are going to continue to observe her for the next couple of days, and if she’s still at the same level on vent as today we need to consider a tracheotomy to give her better comfort and easier for her to breathe on her own.  I’m pretty sure she’s not going to be happy about that.  I have continued to reassure her that she’s getting better and it’s just going to take some time.  Court, this is for you…

You feel like you’re falling backwards
Like you’re slippin’ through the cracks
Like no one would even notice
If you left this town and never came back
You walk outside and all you see is rain
You look inside and all you feel is pain
And you can’t see it now

But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there’s a silver lining
Just keep holding on, Just keep holding on
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won’t be much longer
You’ll find love, you’ll find peace
And the you you’re meant to be
I know right now that’s not the way you feel
But one day you will

You wake up every morning and ask yourself
What am I doing here anyway
With the weight of all those disappointments
Whispering in your ear
You’re just barely hanging by a thread
You wanna scream but you’re down to your last breath
And you don’t know it yet

But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there’s a silver lining
Just keep holding on, Just keep holding on
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won’t be much longer
You’ll find love, you’ll find peace
And the you you’re meant to be
I know right now that’s not the way you feel
But one day you will

Find the strength to rise above
You will
Find just what you’re made of, you’re made of

One day you will
Oh one day you will

Mom and Nanny are at the hospital with her now.  Any new news we get we will let you know.  Continue to keep her in your prayers. 

Love, Megan

Nap Time…..

I went to the hospital to visit Court on my lunch break and as I was walking into the ICU the nurse (Pat) told me “Please DO NOT disturb her..” apparently Courtney has had a pretty rough morning. They attemped another trial without the respirator but she is still not strong enough. The nurse told me that she has been really restless all morning and could not get comfortable. She did say that Courntey is becoming more and more responsive to answering questions but like anyone would be in her situation she is uncomfortable and fustrated. Pat said that Courtney is VERY much loved by all the staff at the hospital. She has had multiple nurses and staff members from her normal floor that she stays on coming up to check on her and see how she is doing. They would talk about how she never complains and is always in good spirits! So even though Courtney was asleep the whole time I was there I was happy that she was able to get some rest for a little while and I told the nurse to make sure she knew I had stopped by.

Courtney… I love you so much!! I know that this must be EXTREMELY hard and fustrating to you but PLEASE STAY STRONG and KEEP FIGHTING!!!!!!

I LOVE YOU! ~ Lindsay

Steady now…

I wish I had better news, but as of right now this is probably the hardest part of all.  My heart is heavy for Court.  She’s still on the vent and dialysis, but they have taken her out of the heavy sedation so she is awake from time to time and she REALLY doesn’t like the vent in her throat.  She has been shaking her arms and having a really hard time trying to communicate with us.  We finally figured out today just before we sisters left that she wanted to turn to her side.  She was tired of laying on her back.  She kept acting like she wanted to get up but we kept telling her to be still.  She is still very weak.  The doctors have tried to take her off the vent for a few minutes, but it becomes very hard for her to breathe.  It’s so hard for me to see her in this pain, restlessness and troubled state of mind.  We are trying to say the right things, stay positive and just be there for her.  I just want to be sure we are doing the right thing for her.  One of my favorite christian singers is Brandon Heath and he has this song called “When I’m Alone”.  This song makes me think about Court and that this is probably how she’s feeling.  I just want her to know that God is with her all the time and everything will be ok.  Here are the lyrics:

When I’m alone
The faces they come and they go
I wonder if they think I’ve changed
I wish I could stay
But be where you are
The countries and cities so far
This is my dream and my gift
But sometimes I get

Scared
That somehow I’ll cease to belong
Anywhere
So I need you when it all starts to show
When I’m alone

When I’m alone
I sleep late it’s crazy I know
The worlds only passing me by
I guess that is why
I’m telling you now
That I haven’t figured it out
The depth of the things that I’ve missed
They leave me like this

Scared
That somehow I’ll cease to belong
Anywhere
So I need you when it all starts to show
When I’m alone

Is it true that you can find me anytime
Cause I’m feeling like I’m there, it’s about that time

Cause I’m scared
That somehow I’ll cease to belong
Anywhere
So I need you when it all starts to show
When I’m alone

Nanny and Mom stayed with Court a little bit longer after Kelly, Lindsay and I left.  Court had such a rough day trying to breathe on her own and moving around a lot so Mom said she finally fell into a  deep sleep and they left her side around 6pm.  The nurse said that they would leave her on the sedation for the night and take her back off to start trials again tomorrow morning.  Our Family NEEDS your continued support and prayers.  

Angie, Thanks for watching all the kids today.  You are such a wonderful friend!

We see hope

I just got back from the hospital.  She’s moving her arms and opening her eyes just a little bit.  She’s so worn out and wakes for just a short time before she falls back asleep.  We know she can hear us.  She has squeezed our hands and tried to hold her eyes open a few times.  Oh, and she has yawned.  It is going to take a while for her to completely wake up, but once she starts responding to everyone they are going to try and trial her without the vent.  Courtney looks great!

GOOD NEWS!!!

The doctors took Court off the sedation meds around 4am this morning.  They want to take her off the vents and she’s producing urine without the dialysis, not much but it’s there.  My sister Lindsay and Nanny are down with her right now.  They said they have her arms restrained so that she doesn’t try to rip the vent out.  Lindz said that she’s starting to move her arms and head.  The doctors are saying she’s looking really good.  They have told them to keep telling her to stay calm so that she doesn’t freak out when she wakes.  The doctors said that it could still take a few hours before she wakes up all the way, but this is SUCH great news.  Continue your prayers, they are working!!!!  God Bless you all!

CF’rs there is HOPE!  I can’t wait to tell her about all of you keeping an eye an her!

Outlook is positive…

Doctors sound very optimistic that she’s going to pull through this but it’s going to be a very slow process.  She’s had another BM today.  Her kidneys still need to be making more urine before they can take her off the dialysis.  Her docs also said they need her to start coughing a little so that she can move some of the gunk around in her lungs herself, so they are slowing the sedation a little during the day, but she will still be unresponsive to us.  My Mom told Dr. Rosenblatt that she misses her and just wants to see her eyes, so he reached over and opened Court’s eyes with his fingers and said “HI Courtney”!   LOL

We still want to see your positive comments and prayers, so please keep them coming. 

Sincerely, Megs

Note from Mom…

Mom sent this email out to family and friends last night in her email, but she wants everyone who’s been sending love, prayers and thoughts our way to see…

This is to all who have responded to our e-mail and calls and everything about Court. I love you all and thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you’ve done.  All the people you’ve contacted, all the prayers you’ve sent out, all the best wishes, everything.  I have always known I’ve had one of the most amazing families one could ever imagine. How we all come together in these times of crisis is just beyond fantastic.  There are no words to explain or express how I feel right now.   I am worried about Court but I am also relieved that if anything happens and the Good Lord takes her, she will be with some of the best people that have ever lived, our ancestors.  Thank you and please continue to check the blog, ask for all the prayers you can and tell everyone you know to do the same. We will beat this but we still have a very long way to go. God bless each and everyone of you. Dottie.

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